I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
