you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize