were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
