we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
