you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
