ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
honey bunches of taint.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How does one acquire holy water?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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