i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
