The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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