just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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