I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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