you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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