you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
