U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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