I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
