why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
