I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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