Whatcha textin bout Willis?
barbara walters just said penis...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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