thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you didnt know i had herpes?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
