You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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