My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
