I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
