dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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