As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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