I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
