do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
