You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
