i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
