I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
