I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
