I want to walk on stilts...naked
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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