I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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