hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
