I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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