just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
