Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
