"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
