you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
