my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
