I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
