I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
