If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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