my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
