i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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