Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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