When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
