I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
