I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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