you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
