Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
