Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
